We are relational beings. We need community to thrive. Recent reports of a Harvard longitudinal study show that the happiest people are those who have close relationships with friends and family. But, we all know that relationships are just plain hard! They take work. We second guess ourselves. We can be insecure. We misread signals. All of that is normal and part of the process of getting to know someone else…and can even make our relationship stronger when we clearly communicate and invite others into a conversation.

But how do you know when a friendship is over. We may never know why, but sometimes a friend is only in our life for a season. And it’s painful when that season ends.

Here are a few thoughts, not at all comprehensive.

I wasn’t sure that season would ever end, but it did. Slowly but surely. I knew that it would mark me for life because the scars run deep. I’m happy to say that today he is happy and healthy, I have learned how to heal my nervous system and my faith grew. I look back at that now and realize if I could handle that, I can literally handle anything.

But there is one thing that rings true for anyone who has had to endure an extremely dark time in your life. Your capacity for empathy runs very deep. When you look at others, you can see the pain in their eyes that you would have missed before. Your heart overflows with love for others. Great pain brings great love. And because of that, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.

Why the baggage as an image? Because my journey is about discarding the baggage I collected in my youth. Some baggage I could easily drop and not miss. Other bags I still cling tightly too. I put them down only to pick them up again. These bags have been with me for so long they are not a part of my identity.

Imagine our teens being able to do the work to throw away their baggage before it becomes a part of their identity. In this post, I share a bit about what I was like as a teenager. Hint: E-MO-TION-AL.

When we find ourselves fighting with our best friend, talking can often solve so much of what is wrong. So often it just someone speaking without thinking and miscommunication. We all have those days. Today, we talk about how to structure a conversation to save that relationship.

If you find yourself in a fixed mindset (“This is just who I am; It’s my personality; It’s how I was raised; I can’t be changed.”) you don’t have to stay there. To be honest, most of us have areas in our life where we are fixed and areas in our life where we love to grow. But did you know you can move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset? Yes, it will take some work, but it’s worth it! Click through to read and find out more!

Goals are a great tool, but only if you know how to use that tool effectively. Learn how to break a goal down into manageable parts that don’t feel overwhelming and put you on the road to success, one step at a time!

Want to know a little science behind your brain and positive affirmations? You’ve come to the right place! Dive in for a read!

“The good news is that our brain is malleable, teachable. We can question our thoughts for their validity and truthfulness. We can discard the thoughts we don’t want to believe and strengthen the ones we do. See, every time you have a thought, that wrinkle in your brain gets a little deeper. Stop thinking about it and that wrinkle will begin to smooth out. Want to create a wrinkle? Just start thinking the same thing over and over again. That will create a wrinkle and make it deeper, making it something you now believe. Cool, huh?”

Codependency vs. Coregulation - In the photo, is the mother holding the umbrella even though the child is capable, or is the mother holding the umbrella because her child is struggling?

If you are out there feeling like they aren’t your people too, know that I see you. I see the sacrifices that you’ve made for your child. I see the tears that you’ve cried wondering what the future would hold. I see the darkness that you have endured to come out on this side. I see the overwhelming love you have for your child. I see the way it hurts you when people judge your parenting. I see the way it hurts you when good intentioned people offer advice that you know just won’t work for your kid. I see how your friends have slowly peeled away because it’s sometimes just too much. I see you because I am you.

And I’m celebrating all of the small steps and big ones that we’ve overcome as moms and our kids have overcome with their challenges. I see your strength. I see your bravery. I see your unconditional love. I see you.

Every day we are faced with choices about how we handle any given situation. Are your choices leading you to who you want to become? Learning to control your thoughts and your emotions can be a game changer.

When bad things happen, look for the good. Focus on the good. There is always good.

Topher Kearby has a way with words that I do not. Check him out on Instagram at instagram.com/topherkearby/

My mind and soul had healed from the trauma, but the body needs a bit more time in her healing journey.

Protecting our relationship allows us to maintain influence over our teens, showing them that we are for them and not against them.