How to Talk Through Difficult Things
Monday, on Instagram we talked about how to listen to understand. If you missed that, you want to check that out! Today we are going to talk about how to share effectively. How to say your thoughts and feelings in a way that opens conversation instead of shutting it down.
There are 3 important things to remember:
Make “I” statements.
Talk about how you felt in a situation, not what the other person did. If someone feels like they are being accused, they will shut down and not hear anything you have to say. Focus on your own feelings and take responsibility for your part.
Use “When, What, How” statements.
Being specific will make the person feel like you are not judging their whole character, but just looking at specific behavior. In other words, don’t generalize with “always” or “never”…because that is rarely the case anyway.
Instead, say something like “Yesterday (when), when you said the song I was singing was annoying (what), I felt like you didn’t like me (how).”
Make a “feel good” sandwich.
When you have to address something that feels bad, it helps to deliver the information sandwiched between two good things. “I always love hanging out with you. We have so much fun. But yesterday, when you said the song I was singing was annoying, I felt like you didn’t like me anymore. I know that sounds silly because you’ve been such a good friend for years.”
I can’t promise that this technique will always work (remember “always” is an absolute and absolutes are rarely true.) And I know these conversations might seem intimidating, but do know they are so worth the effort to save a relationship and get it back on track. In fact, after a conversation like this, your relationship will be that much stronger and can endure more in the future!
