Positive Affirmations: What It Is & Is Not
Let’s start with what positive affirmations are not. I’m not talking about toxic positivity where you tell yourself everything is fine when it’s really not. If something is not good, then it must be processed and dealt with properly. Failure to deal with a situation can lead to trauma, isolation and unhealthy coping mechanisms and should be taken seriously. What constitutes as something serious that needs to be dealt with? It depends on the individual. What could be a difficult situation for me may not be for someone else, and vice versa. Our experiences in life shape who we are and how we view our current state. And, sadly, this is why people are often told to “just get over it.” Because to the person saying it, it literally isn’t that big of a deal. Instead, let’s just always empathize with others.
Ok, with that out of the way, let’s talk about what positive affirmations are. I know, I know. I was right where you are right now, thinking this is so “woo woo.” But how you talk to yourself really matters! Do you have that inner critic? The one who is always telling you everything you do wrong? We listen to her quite a lot. In fact, it’s healthy to name that inner critic. I call mine Jane (sorry if your name is Jane!) and when she tries telling me what I did wrong, I tell Jane to shut up. (Again, sorry if your name is Jane! Nothing against you!) It’s a way to detach that voice from you.
Believe it or not, we are actually a spectator to our thoughts. If you didn’t read the article I posted in Instagram Stories this week, I encourage you to read it now: “Your Thoughts Don’t Always Tell the Truth.” In it, Dr. Amen explains how thoughts happen. “That’s how your brain works: You have a thought, an electrical transmission goes across your brain, and you become aware of what you’re thinking. Thoughts affect how you feel and how you behave.” A thought pops into your head and THEN you think about your thought. The chemicals that are released to trigger the electrical transmission depend on the type of thought: “good” or “bad.” These chemicals then affect your emotions. We are actually able to question your thoughts. You don’t have to believe every thought you have. In fact, if you never question your thoughts, you’ll end up believing things about yourself that are not true. Yes, your brain lies to you!
The good news is that our brain is malleable, teachable. We can question our thoughts for their validity and truthfulness. We can discard the thoughts we don’t want to believe and strengthen the ones we do. See, every time you have a thought, that wrinkle in your brain gets a little deeper. Stop thinking about it and that wrinkle will begin to smooth out. Want to create a wrinkle? Just start thinking the same thing over and over again. That will create a wrinkle and make it deeper, making it something you now believe. Cool, huh?
And that, my friends, is where positive affirmations come in. Replace “I’m so awkward” to “I am a pretty cool person” and start telling yourself that every day. Literally say it out loud multiple times a day for about a month. At least 21 days. You’ll notice you’ll start to change and see yourself more as a pretty cool person, which you absolutely are! (How do I know? You’re here, reading this! Duh!)
“But what if I don’t believe that I’m a pretty cool person?” Then question the belief that you are awkward. Why do you say you are awkward? What evidence do you have? Is that what others close to you would say about you? Are you always awkward with certain people? Why could that be? Could the other people be making you feel awkward? Could they be the awkward ones? Really do the work. And if, in fact, you truly are awkward, then is that a bad thing? Let me tell you, I can be downright awkward a LOT of the time and I’ve learned to embrace it. That is who I am. You want to hang out with Becky Funk, let me tell you, you’ll get a dose of laughter with a side of awkward. And I’m ok with that!
Point being, there isn’t one right affirmation for each negative thought. You can change “I’m awkward” to “I love that I’m awkward. It makes me unique.” Whatever works for you and is true. Remember, positive affirmations must have these three things to work:
You must believe in the statement. If you don’t, it won’t work. Doesn’t matter if it’s believable to anyone else.
You must use “I” statements. Because you are saying it and it’s a characteristic of who you are. Own it.
You must feel deeply about this statement. Like, big feelings. If you hate being awkward, that’s a big feeling. Can you generate enough emotion in your positive affirmation to change that? This is where it’s good to have some support.
Thanks for joining my brain science ride for positive affirmations! I hope you learned a little something in your journey! I’d love to hear from you - what is one positive affirmation you are saying to yourself now?
