“Mom, I’m Not Your Project.”
Criticism is hard. I can’t think of an instance where I’ve embraced it with open arms. But I also know the importance of listening to criticism, especially when it is given out of a mindset of growth and love and not just to put someone down.
When I was teaching at a local college, students would be asked to evaluate their instructors at the end of each semester. I encouraged honest feedback, because how else was I going to improve or grow? However, when I set the task for them to complete the survey, I reminded them that for their criticism to be taken seriously, it has to be conveyed in a respectful manner. We’ve all read those Amazon reviews where someone was clearly having a bad day and needed to take it out on someone.
This brings me to a conversation I had with my oldest last week. I was trying to help him see a situation differently and called out the growth that he had experienced in that exact area. He stopped and looked me right in the eyes. “Mom, I’m not your project. You don’t always have to practice your life coaching stuff on me.” Yikes. I took a deep breath and thanked him for that feedback…which opened the floodgates of other things he felt the need to share. And you know what, y’all, it was SO GOOD! Things I already knew in my heart but needed called out. We had a good conversation and I apologized for some missteps I had made. And the next night when he came home mad, I took his advice and listened.
The truth is that even as a life coach, I am in no way perfect. I struggle practicing what I preach. Honestly, what he needed most that night was for me to actually practice my life coaching on him. Then he wouldn’t have felt like a project. Life coaching is about coaching and not telling. Active listening and not needing to insert myself into their thoughts. Letting them direct the conversation and only stepping in when something needs addressed. In truth, I listen a lot better as a life coach other’s teens much better than I do mine.
The good news is that it’s about the journey. I’m honored that he felt comfortable enough to call me out when I needed it. He witnessed me making a mistake and owning it. He witnessed me calmly accept constructive criticism. He witnessed me implementing the very thing he needed the next night. Fortunately, actions do speak louder than words.
Stay tuned next week when I return with more ways I have failed at parenting!
