Dear Mama, I See You
Parenting a teen with mental health issues takes parenting to a different level than many people can fathom. The constant worry and fears we feel as they age and become more independent. It can make parenting during the teen years very isolating. We worry about our teen, but what about our support group?
I joined a Facebook group for moms of seniors. First of all, I’m never on Facebook. I actually loathe it. But, I thought, maybe I’ll get encouraged, be able to encourage and learn a little something along the way. Within the first month I realized I’m not the “norm” mom. Moms were posting their concerns for the college application process, visiting so many colleges, how to know which ones to apply to. Ok, pretty typical conversations. I learned people take the college search process very seriously these days. I don’t get it, but good for them for putting the work in.
There were posts about graduation and the cost for buying all. the. things. Again, pretty typical. Fortunately for me, there was never any expectation in our family that we buy all. the. things. We did graduation pics through the school. One pose. One suit. Pretty basic and simple and we got great pictures. Anything above and beyond the necessities, Son #1 was on the hook to purchase, which he did. We tend to be a pretty minimalist family, so this wasn’t very difficult. I’m also way too common sense at times. This isn’t meant to condemn anyone, but I found myself thinking, “If it’s too much, then don’t buy all. the. things.”
Then the next set of posts are where things really started to show me that maybe this wasn’t the group for me. I know there are a lot of big emotions for parents as our kids begin their last year of high school. We want to grasp onto all of the lasts and savor them as much as we can. But I’m also the type that didn’t cry watching my baby walk off to kindergarten. I often tend to look forward with anticipation for the chapters yet to come while enjoying the gift of the present. But I also view this season as a gift in and of itself. When our son was sick three years ago, we didn’t know what his future would hold. We didn’t know if he’d be able to finish school or go to college. The fact that I was able to simply be part of a group for moms of high school seniors was huge for me. The fact that we are doing graduation pictures and looking at colleges was something we weren’t sure would be possible. So when moms started posting their big feelings about their child not wanting to attend the Homecoming dance or not wanting to walk at graduation, I found it hard to connect. These aren’t my people.
If you are out there feeling like they aren’t your people too, know that I see you. I see the sacrifices that you’ve made for your child. I see the tears that you’ve cried wondering what the future would hold. I see the darkness that you have endured to come out on this side. I see the overwhelming love you have for your child. I see the way it hurts you when people judge your parenting. I see the way it hurts you when good intentioned people offer advice that you know just won’t work for your kid. I see how your friends have slowly peeled away because it’s sometimes just too much. I see you because I am you. And I’m celebrating all of the small steps and big ones that we’ve overcome as moms and our kids have overcome with their challenges. I see your strength. I see your bravery. I see your unconditional love. I see you.
Drop a comment below of what you are celebrating so we can all celebrate together.
